132...

I went to the doctors on Thursday.
The MA comes in and says "Do you know your weight?"
I reply "No" but I step on that scale weekly in my house.
I wanted an accurate answer, I knew it was going to be bad.
It read 132.1.
I just hung my head down.
Many people say "You don't look big, what are you worried about!"
I feel disgusting, I look disgusting.
Every time I go to the mall now to try something on I hate the way I look.
So much for positive self talk, but how can you do that as your stomach is protruding right in front of you out off that dress you want or you can buy a shirt because not only will it not button at your breast but now its hard to get buttoned over your stomach and you're at a size 10!

I've had enough.
I eat when I'm bored, when I'm sad, when I'm alone, when I'm with people.
I don't want to look thin, I don't have that type of issue of being 105 and thinking everything is fat. The anorexic look is NOT for me! I aiming for a flat tummy and definition in areas. So I'm preparing to implement a system to get my eating habits better and to start exercising so I can get to my goal of 112-115 range.
Being the big girl is not for me personally.
(No offense to girlies out there who are big and wearing it well!)