132...

I went to the doctors on Thursday.
The MA comes in and says "Do you know your weight?"
I reply "No" but I step on that scale weekly in my house.
I wanted an accurate answer, I knew it was going to be bad.
It read 132.1.
I just hung my head down.
Many people say "You don't look big, what are you worried about!"
I feel disgusting, I look disgusting.
Every time I go to the mall now to try something on I hate the way I look.
So much for positive self talk, but how can you do that as your stomach is protruding right in front of you out off that dress you want or you can buy a shirt because not only will it not button at your breast but now its hard to get buttoned over your stomach and you're at a size 10!

I've had enough.
I eat when I'm bored, when I'm sad, when I'm alone, when I'm with people.
I don't want to look thin, I don't have that type of issue of being 105 and thinking everything is fat. The anorexic look is NOT for me! I aiming for a flat tummy and definition in areas. So I'm preparing to implement a system to get my eating habits better and to start exercising so I can get to my goal of 112-115 range.
Being the big girl is not for me personally.
(No offense to girlies out there who are big and wearing it well!)

Olympic Talk

Yeah, yeah so Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals. GREAT!
Congrats to him plus he is a hometown hero. From Baltimore County(MD)
We should be proud.

But I wanna see the black faces. And NO not to make it a black/white issue, but I do.
So I found my EYE CANDY also as an Olympic swimmer.

Cullen Jones.24.Born in NY.Also won a gold medal.Currently part of the Olympic swim team.Holds a world record.SEXY!









I haven't really tuned in to the Olympics this year. It's kinda blah...

Thoughts through song

Jazmine Sullivan= SIMPLY AMAZING!

I first was put on to her last October with In Love With Another Man and heard her debut single Need You Bad back in Feb.

So I'm assuming that her album date must be soon cuz I just got ear of this joint, Lions, Tigers and Bears. At first look of the title, I was like WTH what could this possibly be about, but in the first 30 sec, I was hooked.

I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears (no I'm not)

But I'm scared of (loving you)

I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair (that's right)

But I'm scared of (loving you)

Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task

Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?

Why do we love Love,When Love seems to hate us?

Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom.

You say you care, and I know you do...

But this is from my experience

And my conclusion only makes sense.

Just cause I love you, and you love me

It doesn't mean that we're meant to be.

I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas

But the most frightening you and me.

Most circumstances, I know my fate

But in this love thang, I don't get the game.

Why does it feel like those who give in,

They only wind up losing a friend.

Just cause I love you and you love me,

It doesn't mean that we'll ever be.

Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen

But the most frightening thing is you and me.

I'm sure though I'm not sure

But if we never try, We'll never know

It's better to have loved then not to loved at all

Not trying is worse than to stumble and fall

And if we do, I'd rather it be with you

Cause at least there will be sweet memories.

Oh I'm not scared...

New Job!

So I've been absent all week due to starting my new job on Monday. I am now employed by the Baltimore City school system to work in the Reach! Partnership middle/high school as a Reach! Advocate. I will basically be tutoring a group of 10 students throughout the school year and a little more extra stuff. I have to also teach a class every Wednesday. I will be working with 6th graders! I'm scared and excited all at the same time but I really think that this is an awesome opportunity that I have found and a GROWN UP step that I'm taking in life. This coming week I will get to meet my kids during their summer orientation workshop. I'm excited! Hopefully they wont be bad as shit or I will have to get them in line.
I don't know if I should go by Ms. Leslie or Ms. Jones?